Thursday, September 20, 2012
I needed a boost to get going today, and Tegan & Sara's first album was good therapy, singing along, if nothing else.
I have trouble deciding what to share here, which is partly why I sometimes disappear from my blog. I don't want this to be a place for whining, and sometimes I'm not sure how to be more constructive than that, so I just don't post anything. But maybe it's ok to be real every now & then :)
I've been struggling lately with my RA, my job, what I want to do with my life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
This line from Mary Oliver was the tagline for a course I took part in a couple years ago and it's really stuck with me. You never know how much time you have and so I am trying to live the life I want to live every day. I try to make an impact for causes I care deeply about, I try to spend my time, working or otherwise, doing things I enjoy. We spend too much of our lives at work to do things we don't like, or to work with people whose company we don't enjoy. But I feel kind of stuck at a crossroads right now. I feel restricted in terms of work by my RA (makes it hard to, say, do admin work because too much typing and similar activities really take a toll on my fingers/hands), lack of appropriate schooling or experience for certain jobs I'm interested in, at least for the short-term. I don't really want to go back to school right now - if there was a specific job I really thought I'd enjoy then I would be more inclined to it, but I haven't figured that out yet. Ben and I have also been talking about getting married in the next year or so and having a baby, and I feel like it would be kind of a waste to go to school for a job that I'll only be at for a year or so before potentially going on mat leave, especially as I think I'll probably stay home for the first few years... But, I'm getting burnt out at my current job at the natural pet supply store. I like it there, and like my co-workers, but our days are 9 hours long, and now that we moved to Port Moody, my commute is about 45 minutes both ways. So, by the time I get home we eat dinner, maybe watch a TV show or chat a bit, then go to bed. I never have energy to do much else when I get home. I am feeling tired and uninspired. I have things I want to get done on my days off but I can never motivate myself to get out of bed at a reasonable time, which bothers me. When I finally get up I feel I've wasted precious hours, and honestly I then end up sitting at the computer and wasting more. I don't know what to do! I am not really expecting a solution, just needed to vent I guess :)
What do you do when you are feeling burnt out, when you need a boost, when you are looking for inspiration?